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A few years ago, I attended my friend Nick’s 40th birthday party.
As part of the celebration, he hired an improvised comic, and we everything had to participate in learning improvisational comedy.
(I just felt the collective shudder of all the introverts reading this newsletter).
We started throwing out fun scenarios and scenes to take part in and learned the most important rule of Improv: “Yes and”.
Two simple words and the basis of all improv comedy:
Whenever someone comes up with a scene, sentence or situation, the ONLY acceptable answer is: “yes and”
- Yes: Acceptance! I accept and admit that whatever the situation was, no matter how absurd, it was true.
- And: build! Like a tennis match, after your impromptu partner hits the ball, it’s your job to hit it back! Building on a situation or scene.
For example, if your improv partner says, “I’m a space pirate,” your response might be:
- “Yeah, and I’m the space police, you’re under arrest!”
- “Yes, I’m the first mate to ask for a new crew too, this is perfect!”
- “Yes, and my name is Captain Hook, welcome to Pirates Anonymous.”
The “yes and” rule is so crucial, because there’s nothing worse than a bad improv partner!
Kind of like Liam Neeson this brief sketch with Ricky Gervais, (I laugh every time):
Yes, and a rule for life
As a former “gifted child” who has a pretty negative inner critic, I’ve worked hard to incorporate “yes and” into my life.
The “yes” part is built around acceptance, which is something I’ve spent the last two years working to embrace.
See my previous essays about it Acceptance and Wabi Sabi for more.
It’s the “i” part that I’ve been focusing on lately.
As Dr. Kristen Neff points out in her book Self-compassionlife is as complex as people:
“Judgment defines people as bad versus good and tries to capture their essential nature with simplistic labels.
Discerning wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.”
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Things are never as good or as bad as our brain thinks they are.
So, despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything in black and white, yes or no, good or bad… We must remember that life is a beautifully complicated mess.
Author F. Scott Fitzgerald once said:
The test of first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them different.
This is my assignment for you today.
Is there a part of your life that seems black and white and could use a little complexity instead?
Nothing is as simple as it seems.
Life is hard and change is hard. And you are a good person who works hard.
Which means there is hope. I hope is a warrior’s emotion.
Also, please go and watch it Liam Neeson sketch.
You’re welcome.
-Steve
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