The designer kids are now teenagers and some of them need therapy because of it

Achievement is highly valued in these homes.I think the way these kids are made sends a message. “You’re not good enough. You have to catch up.” They don’t accept you.”

When babies struggle, it’s especially devastating. Some babies are born prematurely, which was a big risk with IVF. Or they have learning differences or autism.

Sometimes parents choose an egg donor and then find out that he or she has psychiatric problems, and the child is then viewed through that lens, which can be quite devastating and traumatic;

A child grows up feeling very different, knowing it’s an experience, but not getting the proper support or acceptance they need to thrive, because there’s no caregiver to say “I understand you.” There’s none of that.

In my work, I help parents accept. This is the child you have. And I help children accept the reality of their parents and create a relationship that is less abusive, or build a life without them.

Many of my families have neurodiverse members who need help making abstract concepts more concrete. Sometimes just explaining that “you and your child are not the same person” does the trick. Or tell them the teenager doesn’t feel loved , that “love” isn’t a tangible feeling like a tickle or a kick. It means that someone loves you like you love Legos to drones.

In high school, many teenagers connect with half-siblings on 23andMe, sometimes those who live across the world.It’s common for these families to have different egg donors for different children because they’ve tried, say, an athletic son and an artistic daughter. What do you do when one of your children has found their step-siblings and is in touch, while your other child is not having a good experience with their newfound relatives? On Thanksgiving.

I really feel for moms. They try to balance everyone’s expectations. But it’s unfair to dads too. They can probably predict a person’s behavior. but human behavior has too many variables.I don’t know if anyone makes sure the parents understand they can’t test the child and then return it.

Trying to control your child is a recipe for disaster. If you have a preconceived idea of ​​how they’re going to be, you’re either going to be sorely disappointed, or you’re going to slap them into a mold and it won’t work.

Maybe sometimes it works, but those people don’t come to me.

– As Amy Nitfeld said